Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Dating Non-Singers

Congratulations! You’ve sifted through the Tinder, OkCupid, and Jdate profiles and you have - *gasp* - landed someone who is interested in having an actual face-to-face date! The night of the date arrives and you get ready for this mythological creature: your contouring and eyebrows are on fleek and you have that perfect outfit that exudes sexiness, yet in an effortless “oh I just threw this together” way. You’re headed out the door and think “Oh no! I forgot my binder and résumé!” Just kidding. But sometimes going on a date feels like you spend most of your time explaining what you do.

Of course, you can date singers or musicians without having to explain too much, but for those of us who are simply toxic with other singers, we have to explain why we are currently in between jobs or will be gone for an extended amount of time. Instead of dreading this conversation, use these tips to help make it go smoother:

1. You’ll probably have to explain what opera is. Your date might jump to the conclusion you’re on Broadway performing in Phantom, or that you sing like Andrea Bocelli. Smile, and explain while those are valid forms of singing, what you do is different. Better yet, offer to take them to the opera! Maybe just avoid Wagner for their first time.

2. Choose your words carefully. Instead of using words like I “have” to or “need” to - say I “get” to or am “lucky enough” to: travel, practice, and audition all the time or be in rehearsal at odd hours. If you immediately paint the time spent away from your potential significant other in a negative light, they will undoubtedly feel the same way and never feel completely onboard with your career.

Traveling a lot could be a red flag for your date. The phrase “long distance” freaks most people out. However, there's been ample research showing absence truly does make the heart grow fonder! My non-singer friends have confessed they are a bit jealous of the personal space my husband and I experience when I have a gig. Does that mean we don’t miss each other like crazy and sometimes dread when I have to pack my suitcase yet again? Not at all! It just means the reunion will be all the more special and the time we spend together isn't taken for granted. It also gives my financier husband an excellent reason to take time off to travel and see new places when he comes to visit me!

3. Explain love scenes shouldn’t really be an issue. Tell them, like actors, sometimes you get physical with your castmates. If said person seems uncomfortable or upset about this, you probably shouldn't invest much more time into the relationship. Sorry, but this type of insecurity typically leads to jealousy and controlling behavior. Ain’t nobody got time for that! 

4. Take an interest in what they do. I know this seems like a no-brainer, but since opera can be such an insular world, sometimes we forget there are other lives to be had! Chances are your date will feel just as confused when asked to describe their job. If things progress, you’ll be surprised how nice it is to make friends outside of your profession and get a little normalcy in your life.

5. Just be YOU. This might sound like overused, self help advice, but it’s true - no matter your career, lifestyle, or financial situation, the Sexi-est thing one can be is themselves.
Happy hunting Sexi Soprani!